Life

Is weird, man. I feel like the same boy I was; playing D&D, thinking about girls, doodling space fighters, and exploring my world, my reach, my self, my capabilities, my limits.

My opinions and values really haven’t changed at all; at least not in a way that’s perceivable to me. And what I mean by that is not that my thinking hasn’t changed, or that my perspective hasn’t moved at all. I do, if there is any meaning I can find in this experience labelled “life”, it is that even in this inconceivably short instance of the infinite, there is such depth and nuance.

I believe I could still enjoy getting together with a good group of friends for some D&D. I still view those moments as time well spent. I’d gladly spend more of my lightning for moments like those. On the other side of the coin, the best theory I have to match the evidence I have is that I cannot comprehend what friendship is, or how to nurture it.

I still like girls. A lot. I still enjoy fantasizing about being their protector, their provider, their patron, their partner, and their pet. Again, if there is a worthwhile purpose in this life, it is to touch those bouncing ts and as. Finger. Licking. Good. Anyway, my appreciation has only grown; I also fucking get weak for their capabilities, drive, counterpoint to my own perspective, and how long do you really want me to go on? They’re just so … if my God created the devil to keep him company then it’s no damn wonder she’s HOT. Anyway, the idea of joining forces with a partner who’s every bit as capable … gtfo our way, or don’t; we won’t gaf and we’ll swerve you leave you feeling like you’ve won while we’ve only just begun the laughs about you.

The evidence I have access to leads me to believe I am on this path. I have theories, but most of them carry marks of rationalization, bias, or desire.

I have not died, yet. I will continue to advocate for and work toward a better life for all.