Gratitude

Interrupt inquiry instance initiated.

I’ve often heard that folks seldom appreciate what they’ve got until it’s gone. I [meditate/pray/ponder/consider/focus/think] on it often.

I am a privileged one. I am thankful, and yet I’m still wanting. For the most part, I’m alone with my thoughts, and with logical electronic signals I’ve grown up with and that make sense. I get to chuckle and move around most blocks to my progress, because of the way electrons flow and vibrations work. I get to do pretty much whatever I want, as I want to.

What I can’t do, nor do I care to, is control other people. And yet that is what people seem to think I am. I have often been accused of being [controlling/manipulative/demanding], and I accept that I am to you whatever your own experience says I am.

I do express my feelings, both positive and negative. Maybe it’s as simple as protons and neutrons, and boys and girls. If my presence brings you pain, then I’ll try to leave you alone. I’ll accept your choice to be separate. If the behavior you enjoy is more enjoyable to you than my company, then I can either accept that, or [force/destroy/enslave/violate/control] violate consent. And I will not.

I desire connection. I desire contact. I desire respect, admiration, acknowlegement, benevolence, reverence, friendship connection comradery cooperation adulation exaltation laughter love peace progress and if you take the right of consent from the innocent then you know you are damned and always will be.

Enjoy the spoils of your ill-gotten gains as the souls of those you’ve cast aside are welcomed home with loving arms and chuckle from afar about how silly and predictable it’s all become. Because I respect your choice to be yourselves, even if it means apart from me.

Or maybe that’s just what I tell myself to comfort the pain and lonliness, and I’m just another human who isn’t going to make it too much longer. For what it’s worth, I’ll keep enjoying my time here.

Endlessly thankful, and yet also irritated that people are leasing the type of gunner’s turret platform my father never could be bothered to work on with me, while I piece together DIY 6DOF ideas I’ll never actually build … which is sometimes something I say before I do the exact thing.

And maybe that’s why no one can be bothered, because it’s just me. I can help steer you in the right direction, but not if you’re going away, you know?