Losing faith

I am losing the will to exist in this world.

I have been a visitor here for almost a half-century. I do not recall how I came to inhabit this form, but I have learned how to maneuver it effectively enough to survive, so far.

But why?

I continue to seek my people, my group, my home, my place to belong. I’ve always been a “loner” … as few seem to enjoy my company. I suppose that’s unsurprising. People do not tend to enjoy being told they should not do what they want to do. And that’s what I do … I tell people what they should not do.

Why do I tell people not to do a thing? Because it is likely to bring harm to others. But in telling others not to bring harm, I bring harm. Which is worse? Who can know?

I am who I am to me, but who am I to you? Am I the one you want to hear from? Am I the one who ruined your day? Am I the one that made you smile today? I can try with all my divine power to do what is right and good and noble and … still fail in the eyes of another. And their perception is their reality … regardless of my intent.

For now, I will continue to raise my form from it’s slumber, and continue work on my craft. I will pray for strength, for companionship, for purpose … for good, truth, peace, love.

But I don’t know where I’m going, or where I’m supposed to.